Piramides Resort

Of course, Las Piramides is a hotel. But don't be alarmed if you mistake it for, say, an avant-garde detention center from the '70s, or a bunker out of an Ayn Rand novel. A low cinderblock wall circles the sloping concrete exterior, which has discolored with age in some places. Things aren't much cheerier inside, despite the sponge-painted yellow walls, checkerboard black-and-white tile floor, and lit-from-below bamboo columns in the lobby and restaurant. The lobby has a row of pay-to-use computers, a cigarette vending machine, and a grand piano, which is more often an ear-splitting plaything for kids than it is an instrument for a piano-bar pro. The vague sense of gloominess unfortunately doesn't lift in other interior parts of the hotel. The four pools offer some respite, though guest regularly gripe about their grimy sunbeds and the limited pool bars. Another commonplace complaint? Slamming doors, drunken singing or shouting matches, and other late-night noise coming from the echo-chamber-like hallways.

Las Piramides' convenient location is probably its biggest saving grace. It's located on a flat, residential side street in central Playa de las Americas, a short distance from shops, bars, and restaurants, and supermarkets (there is a supermarket on the hotel premises, but many guests find it more cost-effective to grocery shop off-site). Getting to the closest beach takes about five minutes by foot and getting to the Las Veronicas nightlife area takes about seven minutes by foot. Las Piramides' close neighbors -- other hotels and apartment complexes -- mean that the immediate surroundings are pretty quiet, though susceptible to the late-night comings and goings of guests. Tenerife South Airport is an 18-minute drive away.

Spread across seven buildings, Las Piramides' Studios and One- and Two-Bedroom Apartments are as cheerless as the common areas. Off-white tile floors and walls of stucco plaster and cinderblocks give the apartment-style units the feel of an unfinished basement that the beachy wicker furniture, light sconces, and framed prints of waterscapes can't shake. The glum appearance doesn't bother all guests, and many appreciate the rooms' kitchenettes with mini-fridges, microwaves, cooktops, and electric kettles. The Two-Bedroom Apartments have nicer kitchens, with full-size ovens, stovetops, and fridges. All rooms have balconies or terraces, but not all have air-conditioning. There are sleeper sofas in all room types that can accommodate an extra guest. The sofas, like much of the furnishings, are old and tired-looking, though the fuchsia bedspreads on the twin beds provide a nice burst of color. Rooms have tiny flat-screen TVs, but their satellite channels cost an extra charge and their are few English-language options. There are walk-in showers in the bathrooms, where hotel-provided toiletries are limited to a couple bars of prepackaged soap. Studios have double sinks in the bathrooms. Housekeeping is five days a week, and safes, ironing equipment, and hairdryers available for a fee. Wi-Fi is an extra fee. Note that noise can be an issue, especially in the wee hours in the morning when fellow hotel guests are making their way to their rooms.

Besides Las Piramides' central location, affordable rates, and friendly workers, the presence of four pools is far and away the budget resort's greatest asset. Two of the four pools are heated, and the stone patio around main pool features plastic loungers (some are pretty grubby), tables, and chairs. A lifeguard is stationed here until early evening. Two pool bars provide snacks and drinks, though the all-inclusive nibbles are quite limited. Food is in abundant supply at Las Piramides' cafeteria-style restaurant (located in the lower courtyard), but the quality is regularly questioned by guests. Breakfasts here are the usual English spreads, with eggs, cheeses, breads, biscuits, croissants, and juice, while lunch and dinners feature five or six entree items, plus pastas, salads, and Canarian potatoes (small, salted, skin-on potatoes), and cakes, bars, and ice cream for dessert. Soft drinks, wine, beer, and alcohol are available and free for all-inclusivers, though many guests suspect liquors to be watered down. The all-inclusive offerings stop a few hours after dinner, and the hotel also offers half-board rates. A light animation effort goes up in the evenings. A grocery store off of the lobby has limited supply and higher prices than off-site supermarkets, but it does sell things like fresh bread, juice, sauces, candies, chips, and sodas, as well as wine, beer, and liquor. Excursion sales are available in the lobby, as are seven computers (fees apply), a cigarette vending machine, and a pay phone. There reception desk is staffed 24 hours a day. Laundry facilities are on-site and outdoor parking is available.