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27 Reasons You Should Never Go to Ireland

In our travels for Oyster.com, we've journeyed around the entire circumference of Ireland, stopping to review numerous hotels and attractions along the way. It's our job to help people plan better vacations, so let us warn you -- Ireland is terrible. It's truly the worst. Here's why…

  • Like, What An Ugly Castle.

    • Kylemore Abbey is a former 19th-century castle, originally built for the owner's wife as a present. A castle with romantic origins, amid the beauty of Ireland's wild, untamed Connemara region? Not impressed. Next.

  • This One, Too.

    • Blarney, schmarney.

  • Who Would Want to Stay in This Dump?

    • Ballynahinch Castle at Dusk

    Ballynahinch Castle

    It's an 18th-century manor house you can sleep in, and the 450 acres of grounds on which it sits once belonged to Pirate Queen Grace O'Malley. Centuries later, an Indian Maharaja bought the estate. History? Yawn. We guess it's cozy inside or whatever.

  • Or Look At This Pile of Rocks?

    • We don't understand why anyone would waste time visiting this Iron Age fort at a cliff's edge on Inishmore, on an island seemingly untouched by time.

  • Things are So...Traditional.

    • People still speak the Irish language on the Aran Islands, and you can take horse-drawn carriage rides. Weird.

  • We Wouldn't Describe the Scenery as Hauntingly Beautiful.

    • Wouldn't even occur to us.

  • And The People Are Way Too Friendly.

    • The locals still knit authentic Aran Sweaters, and they are super friendly. Enough already.

  • No One in Galway Knows How to Have a Good Time.

    • The nightlife in the Latin Quarter wasn't vibrant at all.

  • Or in Dublin.

    • Guinness Storehouse, Dublin/Oyster

    The Guinness Storehouse? More like the Guinness Borehouse.

  • It's Like These People Have Never Heard of Beer.

    •  It was super hard to find a pint.

  • Or Whiskey.

    • We don't know who this Jameson guy was.

  • Or Culture.

    • James Joyce, Oscar Wilde, Samuel Beckett…We suppose there may have been a few writers born here. Not enough to do a literary pub crawl or anything.

  • Literature Is Not Prized Here.

    • The Irish could stand to collect a few more books.

  • The Ring of Kerry Was Overrated.

    • Skip it.

  • Its Views Didn't Impress.

    • Not the Ladies' View (above), for sure.

  • Or Its Beaches.

    • We were kind of "meh" about O'Carroll's Cove.

  • Northern Ireland Also Didn't Have Much Going For It.

    • The volcanic formation at Giant's Causeway is hardly breathtaking.

  • There's Nowhere Romantic.

    • This isn't a good destination for couples.

  • The Coastline Wasn't Pretty.

    • At all.

  • Or the Countryside.

    • What's with all the sheep?

  • They Need to Build Proper Bridges Up Here.

    • The Carrick-a-Rede Rope Bridge was a little rickety. Oh, and 100 feet above the rocks and ocean.

  • The Animals Weren't That Interesting.

    • Not the Red Deer in Killarney National Park.

  • Or Cute.

    • Bog ponies are not adorable.

  • Especially Not The Goats.

    • What are you lookin' at?

  • We Have No Idea Why They Call It The Emerald Isle.

    • It's supposed to be green and lush, we guess?

  • The Peat Fires Weren't Cozy.

    • Bushmills Inn

    Bushmills Inn

    This isn't where we wanted to pull up and relax when the day was done.

  • So don't bother with a trip there, OK?

    •  We hope we've convinced you.

This article was published on May 1, 2015